Dumb animals are usually specialists, physically honed to precisely accomplish what they need to do to pass on their genes.
Other animals are sort of smart, but either restrict their mind to a very specific task or blow all credibility enjoying things they really should know better than to do.
Let’s have a look at the 10 dumbest animals in the world.
1. Owls
Inside the skull of an owl sit two extended, fleshy organs, but these have only around five types of neurons and are, in fact, eyes. These are some of the most amazing night-vision organs in the bird world, so much so that the animal has sacrificed a lot of brain space for them.
Owls get double dumb marks for looking smart when they’re not, and they are likely the dumbest animal on the planet.
2. Bony-eared Assfish
Research suggests that it dedicates what little brainpower it has to sensory perception, living, as it does, in the dark depths of the ocean. A lack of food and the immense pressure of the ocean make large brains prohibitively expensive for animals like the ass fish.
3. Anglerfish
When it comes to dumb ways to mate, the anglerfish might have it down. Male anglerfish are essentially giant sperm vessels, swimming around full of smaller spermatozoa, looking to latch onto a female in a final kamikaze shag. The male is essentially a malformed pair of testicles with a tail.
On finding a suitable mate – and this female might be 500,000 times heavier than he is – the male makes a beeline and attaches like a poison dart to her body. There, he’ll gradually dissolve until it’s just his testicles that remain, and in the process, his reproductive cells enter her, and they both hope for the best.
A female angler fish can often be seen swimming around with up to eight of these tiny idiots buried into her skin, slowly decomposing. For her body to not reject the suicidal male assimilating with her, she has to shed her immune system. Nobody knows how they survive without one, but they appear to do okay.
4. Orb Weavers
Orb-weaver spiders are members of the Araneidae family, which you might recognise from your common garden spider. They’re responsible for some of the most intricate architectural masterpieces in the animal kingdom, and they do it all on autopilot.
The geometric perfection of the orb weavers’ webs belies a ruthless stupidity, reflecting an entirely passive approach to life. After mating, the female will eat the male, after which she will lay a batch of up to 2,500 eggs.
Hatchlings will immediately turn on one another, reducing their number significantly. In species where the mother is present, they’ll turn on her, too, and if she’s not around, her sisters might volunteer for the honour of becoming baby food.
Once fed, the little ones won’t explore or venture very far at all, they’ll just make a web wherever they find themselves and hope not to be eaten. At least, until it’s time to mate again.
5. Crocodiles
Crocodiles live a life that doesn’t require any philosophical reflection. Their unexamined life is very much worth living, as it perpetuates a reptilian lineage that precedes the dinosaurs.
A croc can sit still in the mud for days on end without doing much other than breathing, and having a mind that needs constant stimulation (and calories) to stay sharp would make this impossible.
The crocodiles‘ metabolism is so low that they can get by on just one or two breaths per minute, and the energy requirements of a smart brain would ruin that entirely.
6. Sloths
Sloths are known for their slow pace of life and low energy levels, which can lead to them being perceived as “dumb”.
7. Koalas
Known for their technological diet of eucalyptus leaves, which are lower in nutrients and mildly toxic, and their small, smooth brains, koalas labour with basic problem-solving and often fail to recognise eucalyptus leaves if they’re not attached to tree branches.
Koalas are dumb enough to pick this as their go-to strategy, and this is hardly surprising because they have one of the smallest brain-to-body ratios of any mammal, with a brain that makes up only 0.2% of the animal’s mass.
8. Afghan Hounds
Afghan hounds are the only animal dumber than the rugs you can make out of them. They complain entirely too much, they have poor working memory and they’re notoriously difficult to train. Without beating around the bush, this is because they’re very stupid.
But to be fairer to them, they’re not failures as animals, only as pets. They were bred for speed and to hunt, not to jump through hoops under gazebos full of pompous, third-person talkers. And they’re very good at that.
9. Horses
Horses have long, thoughtful faces, and this has led to people assuming they’re contemplative, but in reality, they’re high maintenance, prissy, and terrified of everything. Panic is a good indicator of intelligence, and horses love to panic.
In their defence, they have a wide range of variability between individuals, and some of them can count to three. They’re also quite good at reading cues from stupid people, and this has led to such impressions that they’re smarter than they are.
10. Slow Loris
These nocturnal primates are known for their slow movements and simple behaviors.
The slow loris is venomous but passive. It rarely uses its venom as a defence mechanism and instead relies on camouflage, freezing in place when threatened. With slow movements and a low metabolic rate, the slow loris is well-suited for a calm life in the trees, but these traits hinder its ability to respond quickly to danger, making it vulnerable and contributing to its endangered status.
